Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
two words: eviction party
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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