you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
