if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
