U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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