dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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