i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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