is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
