Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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