i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
