Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
