we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
