Pappa wants mamma naked
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
