dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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