My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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