2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
