My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
