Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
