2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
