Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
