my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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