Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
