The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
