I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
