last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
