I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
