I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
