Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That accounts for only three of the penises
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize