just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
