Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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