I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
