I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
