Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
