Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
