Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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