i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
