life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
