I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
