FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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