As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
