Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
