Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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