So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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