I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
