moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
