I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
