If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
