Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
