Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
