I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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