the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
