I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
