i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
