he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
FUCK WHALES
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
