Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
