id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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