its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
