We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
