TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
