Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
