You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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