You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
nutella sex= disaster
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
