Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
