Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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