yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you traded sex for a burrito?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
