I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
