so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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