i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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