the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
