I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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