Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
