I puked a lego.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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