Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
