One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
