But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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