Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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