Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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