You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
