Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
