the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
