Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize